If I Only Knew
by elaG eissaK
Summary: It's funny; you don't realize how inconsequential events can shape your life.  Looking back now, I realize how important they truly can be. My story starts February 14th 2003, my senior year in high school. AH, OOC,  BPOV, Canon pairings, eventually, may
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

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><p>The first time I let my heart rule my mind was in kindergarten. His name was Eric Yorkie and he was the cutest boy in class. Problem was, I wasn't the only girl that thought so. We dated (and I use that term very loosely) for about a week. Our union consisted of hand holding at recess and lunches together. My world came to a screeching halt when I found out he was also "dating" one of our classmates, Angela. Funny thing is, we dumped him and became fast friends, bonding over the worthlessness that was Eric Yorkie. If there was one thing I wish I could tell my 6-year-old self is that the world is full of Eric Yorkies.<p> 


	2. Chapter 1

**_A/N: All recognizable Twilight characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The events in the story are my own.  
><em>**

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><p><strong><em>Chapter 1<em>**

I was 10 years old when I met the love of my life. All through elementary school, middle school, junior high and even high school I knew that some day he would give me the time of day. That he would love me like I always loved him. It's funny; you don't realize how inconsequential events can shape your life. You can't comprehend it, but looking back now, I realize how important they truly are. My story starts February 14th 2003, my senior year in high school.

"I cannot believe you are wearing that." Angela said giving me a once over before shaking her head.

I took a deep breath and repeated the same thing that I had told my mother on the way out this morning. "Today is a commercial holiday. Filled with poor sad saps that think obnoxious teddy bears and chocolate express their undying love, I want no part of that"

"Yeah but do you have to ruin it for everyone else in the process? I mean seriously Bella is that really necessary?" Angela asked exasperated motioning to my shirt.

I just smirked. I worked very hard on my Valentine's Day shirt. (Well I guess hard would be an overstatement.) To commemorate this most blessed of holidays I crafted the t-shirt to end all t-shirts. And all I needed was a red shirt and black sharpie. My VD shirt consisted of a beautifully drawn heart (If I do say so myself) with a big circle surrounding it, and the piece de resistance….a big, fat line crossing it out. That's right, no love on Valentine's Day. And no I'm not bitter.

"Angela, you of all people should get this. Get me. I don't believe in a holiday that makes you feel obligated to be with someone." I said closing my locker and staring expectantly at my best friend. Angela and I had been inseparable since kindergarten, but over the summer she, as my mom would say, blossomed. She was fielding attention from boys at every corner and loving every minute of it. If she was blossoming, I was starting to wither. I had sworn off boys when I realized I couldn't get the one that I really wanted. Well almost swore them all off, don't discount my love of the two Daves (Matthews and Grohl respectively.) But the likelihood of meeting them was up there with the Cubs winning another pennant. It's like they say, one bad apple destroys the whole bunch. Or some b.s. like that. Whatever it is, it's true. Edward was my bad apple.

"Hello,….. Bella…" Angela was waving her hand in front of my face, "Did you go off on a tangent?"

"Sorry Angela, I just have a lot on my mind right now. I have 3 weeks to get my project for anatomy and physiology together before I get an incomplete and 1 week before opening night." I answered, my mind still elsewhere.

"Well we have to be to class in 4 minutes and I really have to pee, can you hold my book and fill my water bottle while I'm in the bathroom?" Angela asked doing the restroom shuffle.

"Ugh, Angela you know how I feel about the P word, just say you have to use the restroom, the rest is implied." I responded while taking her book and water bottle.

Angela disappeared into the restroom and I went to the water fountain. When I made it back to our lockers I was tapped on the shoulder. "Excuse me, have you seen Angela?" Oh wonderful, another groupie, I thought turning around to meet the voice. What awaited me when I turned around was not what I expected. First of all I had to look up to meet this guys eyesight. And when I did his vision was squarely on my chest. Unfreaking believable. "Hello, boy wonder, my face is in this general direction." I said while waving my hand in his face.

He just smirked at me and muttered, " Cool shirt." Right, of all the days to have some creep ogle my chest, this time there is an actual excuse.

"Oh, thanks." I say looking down and blushing about two shades darker than the shirt I am currently wearing.

"Don't get me wrong," he begins," The other parts aren't bad either, but I really was looking at your shirt. My name is James, Angela and I have Spanish class together and she was going to let me borrow her notes."

He looked at me expectantly with his hand outstretched. Yeah like I'm going to shake your hand creepo, who knows where that thing has been. I just look at his hand and clutch Angela's book and water bottle to my chest. Taking the hint, James lowers his hand. Just when it is about to reach 11 on the awkward scale Angela appears.

"James, Hi, I see you met Isabella." She says gesturing to me, not noticing the awkwardness around her. My eyes move quickly from Angela to James, who is now smirking at me. Again with the smirking.

"Hey Angela, Isabella and I were just discussing her attire." James said grinning.

Great. Thanks Angela, now the twerp knows my name. Is it possible to hate someone when you have spent a total of less than 3 minutes with him? If someone would have asked me that question even 5 minutes ago I would have looked at them like they were crazy, but now, after the misfortunate encounter that is James, I would say unequivocally YES.

James continued, while leering at me, "I was hoping to get those Spanish notes from you before lunch. I would really like to study them. If I get another C my parents are going to ream me."

"Sure thing James, they are in my locker, I'll get them right now." Angela said

That's my cue. "Well I'll see you at lunch Angela, I have to head to class, and Mr. Griffin will kill me if I am late again." I said while walking away.

"Bye Bella, I'll catch up with you in class." Angela said waving goodbye.

"Goodbye Isabella, it was a pleasure meeting you. Happy Valentine's Day. Don't break too many hearts," James said smirking at me once again.


	3. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The story is my own. **_

_**A/N: Thanks everyone for reading.**_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 2<strong>_

I made it to Mr. Griffin's class with a minute to spare. I discovered my love of history and politics in junior high. My sophomore year of high school I took 3 of Mr. Griffin's classes; American History, Intro to Contemporary Asian History, and Contemporary History. I was the only underclassman in a sea of seniors, but wouldn't have it any other way. Lucky for me I was able to take the follow up to Contemporary Asian History my junior year and I saved Government (which I shared with Angela) for my senior year. Mr. Griffin's classroom was my own Zen sanctuary. I loved it.

About four minutes after taking my seat, there was a knock at the door. Mr. Griffin eyed me from the front row and nodded towards the door. Every day when class started Mr. Griffin locked his door. He hated stragglers and thought of them as a disruption. One time after class let out I saw McKenzie Davis waiting outside the door, opting for an absent mark instead of the contempt of Mr. Griffin. When I made it to the door, I found Angela on the other side. I opened the door, whispered a "you're late", and made my way back to my desk.

"Thank you for joining us Ms. Weber, we were just about to get started. Luckily your interruption wasn't as ill-timed as it could have been." Mr. Griffin remarked, not looking up from his podium. Angela breathed an "I'm sorry Sir.", and retreated to her desk.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Mr. Griffin's class was followed with lunch. Then I was off to the drama department. We had Damn Yankees to rehearse and sets to prepare, so time flew quickly. I was very grateful for that, because 7th period was the hardest for me to get thru. Don't get me wrong; study hour was the easiest any senior could have their last semester in school. The problem was that it was with Edward. My heart still did its little aching flutter every time I saw him. That hadn't changed, no matter how hard I wished that it would. For 8 years I have carried this burden. Granted for the first couple of years I didn't really know what it was, but when junior high came and puberty went. I knew what it was. Love. Something I couldn't escape no matter how hard I tried.

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><p>November 8th, 2001<p>

My junior year Edward and I had a geometry class together. In geometry we had those fancy calculators, the ones that could graph equations and all that unnecessary stuff. One day Edward passed me his calculator under the guise of not understanding the problem on the board. The thing with these calculators was that among the fancy things you could do, one was using it as a typewriter. When I looked down at Edward's calculator I noticed that it was not an incorrect graph, but a note.

**:Hey B. Can you believe how boring this class is? I wish Ms. Ritter would just give us our assignment instead of all this busy work. What are you doing this weekend? I thought we could go to a movie or something.**

My face flushed crimson red and I thought for sure my heart would give me away. He was the only one that called me B. For some reason it made our relationship seem that much more intimate. And I couldn't believe what I was reading. Was he asking me out on a date? I reread the note four times before formulating my response. I had to remind myself to think clearly and respond normal and not like the lovesick teen that I was.

**:Tell me about it. You know that there will be at least 20 problems for homework. Doesn't she realize we have a life outside of geometry? About the movies or whatever, sounds cool.**

With sweaty palms I slide Edward back his calculator. I couldn't risk a side-glance. I became very interested in Ms. Ritter's explanation of the problem, trying not to think about Edward. Seconds later the calculator slid back to me. I mentally counted to 10, to not seem too eager, and looked then looked down at the screen.

**:Sounds great B. I have my next class with Angela and Mike, I will ask them too. I already asked Tyler and he's in.**

And didn't that suck. It wasn't a date. It would never be a date. Edward would always see me as a friend. Nothing more.

**:Great.**

Class and the rest of the school day couldn't end quickly enough. That evening Edward called to finalize our plans. He said that Angela and Mike were also coming. After we hung up, I decided I could not do this anymore. I couldn't let myself just pine after him and not be brave enough to tell him.

That night, I poured my heart out on the page. I told Edward that I value our friendship and I feel that I have been dishonest with him for too long. I told him that I had feelings for him, that I have had feelings for him since the day I met him in 4th grade. I called Angela and read the note to her. I was met with silence after I finished reading it to her. I cleared my throat and she spoke.

"Bella if he doesn't want you after that, he's an idiot. You are smart, talented, funny, and beautiful. He should be flattered that you think of him that way."

I digested Angela's words, I was very grateful for what she said, but she was my best friend. Wasn't she supposed to tell me that? Even if she knew this was essentially a cluster F decision, she probably wouldn't tell me so. I thanked Angela for her kind words and got off the phone. I knew I had to speak to the one person that would tell it to me straight. Not spare my feelings in the slightest. As I padded my way across the hall I thought about what I would say. Just as my hand reached for the oak door to knock, it flew open. Emmett looked like he had seen a ghost. He jumped back a couple of steps before righting himself.

"I'm sorry Em, I didn't mean to frighten you. Do you have a second?" I asked trying to convey my sincerity to my older brother.

"You didn't frighten me kid… What do you need," he asked while leading me back into his room, tucking me under his arm.

Now I was nervous. Emmett was the quintessential older brother, when it came to me he was a little overprotective. Em was a senior in high school and would be moving on to Soloman in the fall. I would miss him terribly.

"Well I have something I want you to read and please give me your honest opinion. Don't spare my feelings. Give me advice as a guy not my brother." I said shoving the letter in Em's hands.

He sat down at his desk and opened up Edward's letter. I watched his face for any sign of emotion. When he was finished Em brought his hand to his face and rubbed his jaw. A nervous habit he developed when he was 9 years old. This couldn't be good. My heart dropped to my lap.

"Well Bella …that sure is a nice letter. It would have been nice to warn me though, I felt like I was reading a page from your diary." Emmett said while still clutching the letter and his jaw.

"I'm sorry Em. I just, I talked to Angela about it earlier, and of course she said the standard best friend stuff. I just wanted someone that would tell me the truth, even if the truth isn't what I wanted to hear." I said looking him in the eyes.

"Bella, I just don't think this is a good idea. Don't you think Edward would have made a move if he felt that way about you?" He asked sparing me a sideways glance.

"I don't know Em, he could be just as chicken as I am. You know Edward is shy." I said to Em just as much as myself.

Em got up from his desk chair and handed me the letter. He wrapped me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. "I don't like you growing up, you are supposed to stay my baby sister forever."

I playfully jabbed him in the side and said, "I will always be your baby sister Em. You don't have anything to worry about."

I left Em's room and went about my nightly routine. After I was finished with my shower and brushing my teeth, I sat down at the computer to check my IM and email. As soon as I logged on I received two messages, one from Angela, and one from Edward. I opened Angela's first apprehensive, to see what Edward had to say. I felt like he already knew the existence of the letter. Even though that was completely impossible. (Well not completely impossible, Angela was online as well. But she would never throw me under a bus like that.)

**:I would like to dedicate this song from you to Edward. Make You Feel My Love by Bob Dylan.**

**:Har har Angela.** I replied while simultaneously looking up that song.

I glanced down at my clock as the song started to play, noticing the flashing message from Edward. Begrudgingly I moved my mouse to it and double-clicked.

**:B, I have to ask you something and I need your honesty. I value your opinion and believe you won't steer me wrong.**

My head and heart started thudding when I read the message. I felt like I was going to puke. I copied the message and sent it to Angela. Her reply was instant.

**:Oh man! He likes you! Don't you think?**

I couldn't let my mind go there. I couldn't give myself one ounce of hope that would come with thinking something like that. I swallowed hard and replied first to Angela, **:Doubt it.**

I then replied to Edward's message.

**:Ok, what's up?**

That's a cool, noncommittal response. Doesn't show any of my anxiety or trepidation. Right?

His response was quick.

**:I need some advice about a girl. I really like her and don't know what to do. Every time I am near her I forget my brain and act like an idiot. We have known each other for a long time and I don't want to ruin our friendship but I just feel like its right when I'm around her. What would you do B? Have you ever been in love? She's all I ever think about. She's smart, funny, and beautiful. What would you do B?**

Now I really felt like I was going to throw up. He liked someone else. He was coming to me for advice, like one of the guys. He didn't like me like I liked him. I felt the world crashing in around me. The music became muddled to my ears. There was no way I could give him my letter now. I had to do something I have never done before with Edward. I had to lie.

**:I don't know Edward, I haven't been in a position like that before. I don't really know what to tell you. I'm sorry. Do I know her? Maybe I could put in a good word. ;)**

I typed as tears tracked down my face. His response was, again, quick.

**:Oh, um yeah you know her. You are really close.**

I couldn't believe what I was reading. The only person that could fit those descriptions was Angela. He was in love with my best friend. How could this happen to me? I wanted my bedroom floor to open and swallow me whole. As if she could tell she was being talked about I received a message from Angela.

**:WELL? I will assume that no news is good news. What did he have to say? Did he finally confess his love for you? Are you two crazy kids finally together?**

I wanted to be sick all over again. How could she be so wrong about this situation? I copied and pasted her Edward's message and mine as well. I had to have verification from Edward that it was Angela that he was talking about. Even if it would kill me, I had to know.

**:Edward, I really don't know if Angela feels the same for you as you do for her. She hasn't said anything about it. But how great would that be for my two favorite people to find each other?**

I could not believe I sent that. What the H was wrong with me? Why would I sabotage myself like that? I was basically giving him free reign to pursue Angela. What an idiot I was.

Angela replied before Edward did.

**:Are you crazy Bella, he is talking about you. Take a chance. Tell him how you feel. I have to go to bed now, big test 1st period. Good night and good luck! Love you!**

Edward responded soon after Angela went offline.

**:Angela? How'd you figure that?**

Not a denial. If he didn't have feelings for Angela he would deny it.

**:Call it intuition. I'm sorry Edward that I couldn't be of more help. Seeing as I have never been in a similar situation I don't have any life experiences to pull from for advice. I have to go to bed now though. I'll see you tomorrow.**

I finished my message with shaky hands.

**:Night B. I love you.**

Reading his final message broke what little piece of my heart I had left. Any other time, his ending sentiment would of sent me over the moon, but now with everything laid out so clearly in front of me I could finish the sentence for him, I love you…like a sister. I love you…but not like you love me. I love you…but not as much as I love Angela.

I didn't find peace that night. I was restless, too tired from crying to actually get some sleep. My eyes ached and I looked awful when morning came. If I could miss school today I would. But my parents were planning a spring break trip to Boston and that would take out my allotted absences. I had no choice; I was going to have to face them. Angela and Edward, the two people that I couldn't wait to see each day, I was now dreading. How fast things can turn upside down. I wished I hadn't even gone online. I could still be living blissfully unaware. Not knowing that my best friend was in love with my other best friend.


	4. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The story is my own. A/N at the bottom._**

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><p><strong><em>Chapter 3<br>_**

That morning I avoided Angela. I just couldn't deal with last night, and seeing her would just bring it all back again. I really didn't want to cry at school, and telling your best friend that the guy you have loved forever was in love with her….that just wasn't possible without tears. I didn't blame her for Edward's affections. She had no control over it. I knew that. The rational side of my brain understood that. The not so rational side hated her just a little. I was an awful friend.

When geometry came around; I wanted to fake an illness and stay in the nurse's office until the class was over. But that would be dishonest, and I was all about honesty. (Last nights conversation with Edward not withstanding.) So not only am I an awful friend, I'm kind of a crumby person too...score one for me. I came into the classroom with seconds to spare. I made my way to my desk, not looking up from the floor. Not looking for Edward. I couldn't face him right now. When Ms. Ritter did the roll call I may or may not of cringed when she stopped at Edward's name. Silence followed her, not his usual quiet "here". Nothing. I chanced a glance towards him, and was met with an empty desk.

"Ms. Ritter, I don't think he is here today. We have history together and he was absent there as well." Jessica Stanley said glancing at his desk.

I was flooded with relief. Normally I would be just a little depressed without his company, but not today. After everything that happened, I was happy that I didn't have to deal with it. Avoidance was my new middle name.

That night as I made my way up the stairs after dinner, I decided I had procrastinated enough. I tapped my mouse to wake up the computer and clicked on my IM logging in. Immediately I had a message pop up.

**:Bells. What was your deal today? How are you and Edward? Did he profess his undying love? I didn't see him (or you) at lunch today. Was there a secret rendezvous? :D**

I shook my head while reading the message, if only it had gone as she assumed.

**:Um, yeah…there is no Edward and I. At least no more than there was before. I didn't give him the note and it wasn't me that he was talking about.**

**:What? How is that possible! Are you sure? Maybe he was just nervous.**

Ugh. How was I supposed to know why Edward didn't like me? He just didn't, and I would have to accept that and move on.

**:Yeah I'm sure. He likes someone else.**

**:Wow. Seriously? I didn't see that coming. You two are meant to be! Honestly Bells, Edward is having a temporary lapse in sanity. He'll come around.**

**:I don't know if that's true Angela. I think need to move on. Fresh start. I can't face him, knowing what I know. I'm going to message him and opt out of this weekend. I just can't do it.**

**:Stay strong. I love you. Goodnight.**

After sending a quick goodbye I closed out our chat window. The last 24 hours have been like hell. I was definitely holding up residency in one of Dante's rings.  
>Before I would be able to go to sleep, I needed to take care of Edward. It was as if he could read my mind.<p>

**:Hey B**

**:Hi Edward. Why weren't you in school today?**

**:I just didn't feel up to going. Did I miss anything?**

**:Sorry you didn't feel well. And no, school was just as uneventful as it always is.**

I blew out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. I've got to do this, take the first step...I am the band aid. Deep breaths and here we go...

**:Edward, I can't make it this weekend. I'm sorry for the short notice, but something came up.**

While I watched my screen, waiting for an update, I contemplated how I got here. Everything seemed so upside down. This time last week I was content with the way things were. I could love him from afar and I was ok with that. Now, after his declaration (about the wrong girl), I wasn't sure that I could even be around him.

**:Oh, ok B. I understand. I guess I will see you tomorrow in geometry. Have a good night. Sweet dreams.**

I kind of hated my traitorous heart for speeding up as I read his parting words. I logged off my computer and climbed into bed. What was I going to do? I don't think I could handle seeing him holding hands with someone that wasn't me. I drifted off to sleep wondering how my life became so complicated.

The next morning I didn't ignore Angela. I couldn't. It wasn't her fault and she didn't deserve it. I did, however, limit my contact with Edward. Over time it became easier to distance myself from him. I needed closure, and ignoring him was the only way I could have it. I felt awful every time Edward tried to initiate a conversation with me, all I could respond with was a yes or no. Even if it didn't make sense, like when we were leaving geometry and Edward grabbed me by the elbow as I was trying to make my escape.

"B, which set of problems did Ms. Ritter say to do? Odds or evens?"  
>"Yes."<p>

"Yes to what, the odds or evens?"

"No."

"Are you ok B? You are acting off."

"Yes."

"Ok. So is it odds or..."

"Yes."

And I walked away. Yeah I was going crazy. About 6 weeks into my self-imposed shut out, he called me out on it.

"Bella, you've been acting really weird lately. Did I do something to make you mad? If I did, I didn't mean it. Honest. I just don't get why I'm getting the cold shoulder. What's going on?" Edward asked, cornering me by my locker after school. I looked at him in the eyes, the first time in weeks and I almost lost my resolve.

Taking in a shallow breath and collecting my thoughts I spoke," Nope, everything is good. I'll see you in geometry on Monday. Later Edward." And with that, I left him at my locker, with my heart.

I would like to say that I got over my heartbreak. That I was able to move past my own bruised ego and stay true to our friendship. In a perfect world I could be what he needed in me, a friend. But you don't need me to tell you this is not a perfect world. To his credit, he really tried to keep our friendship intact. I just couldn't do it. Seeing him, even hearing him speak made my whole body hurt. For the sake of self-preservation, I had to let him go.

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><p><em><strong>AN:Thanks to everyone that has taken on the little story that could. Special thanks to lawlipop01 and Love Begets Love for my first reviews. **_


	5. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**__**All **__**recognizable **__**characters **__**are **__**the **__**property **__**of **__**Stephenie **__**Meyer. **__**The **__**story **__**is **__**my **__**own**__**.**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<br>**

_February 17th 2003  
><em>

The weekend was here,…and my best friend was bribing me.

Angela talked me into going to the Brass Monkey. The things we do for our friends. Ben Chaney, bassist extraordinaire, was the reason we were going. So I was going to take one for the team, and go with her…hold her drool cup (eww) and be her wing (wo)man.

"Angela, seriously, I do not want to go tonight." I said rolling my eyes at my best friend.

"But you have to Bells. I need you to be there." She pleaded grabbing my right hand and pulling me towards the car.

"Fine, but you owe me, big." I conceded wrenching my hand out of her grip. Angela moved to the drivers seat and started the car. I sat down beside her, immediately going to the CD player. I loved Angela but her musical taste was not my own.

"What do you think you are doing?" Angela asked swatting my hand away from her stereo system.

"Uh, what? I know you did not just forget what I am doing for you. The least you could do is let me control the system." I said pressing the eject button.

"Fine, but just no top 100 ok?" I looked at Angela and smirked at her,

"Angela, top 100 is the least of your worries."

Much to my dismay, and Angela's elation, we arrived at the music hall in under 10 minutes. Finding parking was more difficult than I would of thought for a local high school band. When we finally made our way inside, my ears were bombarded with noise. I grabbed Angela's wrist and weaved thru the crowd towards the stage. The only open space at the front was beside a subwoofer. In hindsight, that was a stupid idea. Hearing is _so_ overrated.

But for Angela, this gave her ample opportunity to stare at Ben without being obvious about it. After 5 minutes, I had had enough and made my way to the bar. I was waiting for my bottle of water when I was tapped on the shoulder. I turned around and was face to face with someone I _did__not_ want to see.

"What? No heart shirt today?" James asked looking directly at my chest.

Was this kid serious right now? Unbelievable. Did he think that was charming?

I narrowed my eyes and answered, "Seeing as it is no longer Valentines Day, it would seem pretty silly to wear that shirt."

He pursed his lips and cocked his head to the side, "Well that is a shame. It looked good on you."

I nodded my head, grabbed my water, and headed towards Angela. I shoved my water in her direction with a huff. She turned from the stage and looked directly behind me.

"Oh hey James. How's it going?" Angela yelled, trying to talk over the _really__loud_ drum beat.

"Hey Angela, I'm doing pretty good. I came with Ben to help him set up. We were going to go the Diner after the set. You two in?" James asked looking at Angela, but still stealing glances in my direction. I rolled my eyes and Angela looked at me silently asking for the ok.

We had a wordless conversation that, at least on my end, amounted to a lot of yelling. After sighing loudly, she turned back to James and answered. "Sure, sounds great. We're in." Traitor.

About 10 minutes later was I on my way to the Diner with Angela, Ben, and James. Oh joy. These best friend duties were getting old, fast.

Angela had absolutely no loyalty. Ben and I sat down in the booth and instead of sitting next to me, Angela chose Ben. Not that I could say I blame her. But still, this left me beside James. Bleh.

"Great set Ben. The crowd seemed really into it. When are you guys going start recording?" James asked resting his arm along the back of the booth. I scooted a little closer towards the window,… away from James. Their small talk became noise to my ears, and I blocked it out easily.

The waitress came and everyone ordered. I started playing with the creamer cartons while Ben and Angela talked quietly amongst themselves. I could feel James' eyes on me, but I didn't acknowledge him. When the food finally arrived, I started stuffing my face. If it were full, I wouldn't have to talk.

After dinner, we made our way outside. Angela was walking slowly to the car with Ben and James. Taking her sweet time. I tried the passenger side handle. Locked.

"Angela can you open the car please?" I asked slightly exasperated. Tonight had been a long night and I was ready to go to bed. Angela answered my question with a beeping lock. Thank God. I quickly, and probably spastically, got inside and buckled myself in. Locking the door as well. I sat in the car for a good 10 minutes, waiting for Angela to say goodnight to Ben. Let it never be said that I wasn't a good friend.

After what seemed like an eternity…no exaggeration…Angela got in the car, waving goodbye to Ben. Angela started to back out when there was a knock at the window. My window. It was James. Funk me. I just stared at the window, shrugging my shoulders, silently asking what he wanted.

"Roll down the window." He said making the gesture. When I didn't reach for the button, Angela did. Worst. Friend. Ever.

"Hey Isabella, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out some time. We didn't really get to talk much tonight." James said bending down to be eye level with me.

Gag. "Um, I don't think so James. I've got a pretty busy life outside of school. _Lots_ _of __stuff __to __occupy __my __time_. Sorry." I responded, not really feeling that ending sentiment. At all.

The expression on James' face was not one that I expected. I thought he might be a little disappointed and honestly, I expected it to be reflected in his demeanor. It wasn't. If anything he looked smug. Who the heck was this guy? He was just turned down, and he looked completely unaware. I'm not sure if he meant it this way, but the next thing he said I took as a threat. James looked me straight in the eyes and shook his head, "I will wear you down Isabella."

He patted the side of the car and said goodnight to Angela. I quickly rolled up my window and shook my head. I propped my feet on Angela's dash, "I am so ready for this night to be over. You owe me _big_ by the way." Angela just chuckled as she pulled out the parking spot and headed home.

The following Monday at school, while waiting for Angela to finish in the lunch line, I ran into Edward. Like right into Edward. Usually I can tell when he is around. My body hyperaware of his presence, this helps me to dodge contact with him.

Today, not so much. I was too distracted trying to avoid James and his unwanted advances.

I was walking to the outside lunch area, water and apple in hand, he must have been heading into the cafeteria.

As soon as it happened I knew it was him. His familiar chuckle invaded my ears. His wrapped his hand around my arm and lifted me up.

"Off in Wonderland Bella?" He asked letting go of my arm, and bending down.

He brushed my apple off and placed it in my hand. A year ago I would of convinced myself that he lingered when he grabbed my hand. That he held it longer than necessary. But I was not the same naive girl I was then. It didn't happen, I would be imagining it.

I couldn't even look at him as I shook my hand, trying to get the tingling to stop. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't exactly ignore him, like I had been for the last year. He was right in front of me. I actually had to interact with him. And just the thought of that made my heart ache and thump wildly in my chest. Hopefully he couldn't hear my heart beating.

"Yeah I guess you could say that. I was just heading outside to wait for Angela to get out of the line." I avoided eye contact. I could not look at him. All my resolve would waiver and I would be a puddle on the floor outside the cafeteria. Not a pretty look.

"Hey you know…," He started raking his hand through his hair and then adjusting his glasses, "um…I don't know…" I looked up, waiting for him to finish his sentence. Edward just stared past me, eyes hard.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around, James. Before I had a chance to shrug off the offending hand, Edward was gone. Breathing a "See Ya" as he left.

"What the hell James? Get your hand off of me." I all but yelled. Not caring about the attention I attracted.

"Jeez Isabella. What's your problem?" He asked with that sickening smirk on his lips.

What was _my_ problem? Was this guy serious? Who was _he_ to touch me? We weren't friends. We were barely acquaintances. Dang Angela and Ben for bringing him into my life. He was like a rash you couldn't get rid of. No matter how strong the antibiotics were that you were using.

"My problem is that you keep showing up. We aren't friends James. I barely know you, ok." I said fuming.

He just stared back with that same stupid grin.

Finally, my saving grace, Angela arrived.

"Hey James, are you joining us for lunch?" I take back the saving grace…She asked without even considering me.

"Sure, thanks Angela." James answered walking in step with her. Of course he would take her up on the offer. It seemed like it was his life goal to make me uncomfortable. I sat down on the picnic bench spreading my legs out, effectively closing off anyone (James) that wanted to sit next to me. Just like lunch, the rest of the day passed horribly slow.

That evening I received an instant message from Angela.

**:****Bells! ****Ben ****just ****asked ****me ****out. ****Can ****you ****believe ****it?**

**:****Angela ****you ****crazy ****thing. ****Of ****course ****I ****can ****believe ****it, ****and ****honestly ****it****'****s ****about ****time.**

**:****He ****wants ****to ****take ****me ****to ****school ****tomorrow. ****Are ****you ****ok ****with ****driving ****yourself?**

**:****Sure ****Angela, ****that****'****s ****fine. ****I****'****ll ****see ****you ****tomorrow ****morning. ****I ****expect ****details.**

**:You g****ot ****it!**

To say I was happy for Angela would be an understatement. Ben was a great guy, and I could tell that he really cared about her. But still, even though I was elated that my best friend found happiness. There was a part of me that was jealous. Why couldn't that be me? Why wasn't that the outcome with Edward? I couldn't get into those kinds of internal debates before bed. I would be up for hours.

Just as I was shutting down my computer I received another message.

**:****Hey ****Bella. ****It ****was ****nice ****running ****into ****you ****today****…****(get ****it?)****…****.Don****'****t ****be ****a ****stranger****…****.goodnight B :)**

Crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. How do I respond to that? His silly joke made me smile. His silly jokes always made me smile. I rubbed my face a couple of times trying to figure out what to do. Do I respond with a single "goodnight"? Do I try to say more? Or do I do nothing? Starting our friendship again would be too hard for me. I don't think I could take that kind of rejection again. Dejected, I powered down my computer and trudged off to bed.

Sleep evaded me that night. Why did Edward have to make it so hard on me? I was a chicken. That was for sure. I continued to ignore Edward and his message the following week.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Thanks everyone for the support thus far, input would be greatly appreciated.**_


	6. Chapter 5

**_Disclaimer: __All __recognizable __characters __are __the __property __of __Stephenie __Meyer. __The __story __is __my __own.  
><em>**_**  
><strong>_

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<br>**

"Are you kidding me Bella?" Angela asked, huffing loudly.

I made the mistake of telling Angela about Edward and the lunch run in, and then the instant message.

"I can't believe you tell me 2 months after it happens." She continues, gesturing the 2 with her hand…_really_ close to my face.

It has been 2 months since Edward messaged me. I regretted not responding to him. But what could I do?

_Oh hey Edward, sorry I didn't reply sooner. I know I've been such a jerk and giving you the cold shoulder, it's just that I'm kind of in love with you and when you told me you liked Angela, I may or may not have blown a gasket. _

I focus my attention on Angela again, she is still fuming.

"Ang, what does it matter if I told you right after it happened or now? It's not like anything would change."

"You should have told me Bell." Angela responds quickly, still agitated.

Ok this is getting a little annoying now.

"As far as our run in during lunch…when did I have time to tell you? It's not like we were alone after it happened. _Remember_?" I say, emphasizing the last part.

"Shit. James." Angela's eyes widen and her hand flies to her mouth.

The preacher's daughter just cursed. Angela _does __not_ curse.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hush up Bella." Angela says swatting my shoulder, glaring at me.

"I just...why didn't you tell me about Edward sooner Bells?"

I sigh, frustrated, "I didn't think it was that big of a deal, and honestly I just didn't want to go there. You have always been my biggest cheerleader for Edward and I to get together, and I just couldn't deal with any more false optimism."

"False optimism? That stings Bella. I never said anything to lead you on with Edward. I honestly felt, no… I know, that he has fee…"

I hold up my hand, stopping her from finishing that sentence.

"_That__'__s_ what I'm talking about." I say, unable to mask my annoyance. "I can't hear that anymore Angela. Edward liked me as a friend, nothing more."

"Ok. I'm sorry, and for the record I think you're wro…I won't finish that sentence either." Angela says catching my irritated expression.

"Let's just call truce. Ok Ang?"

"Alright Bells, deal."

The following weeks went by without another word from Edward. It was what I had wanted. What I tried to convince myself I wanted.

I was so distracted, thinking about not thinking about Edward, that I didn't hear Angela chattering on beside me. I just shook my head yes and mumbled ok.

"Seriously Bella? This is going to be so much fun. " Angela said shaking my shoulders and jumping up and down.

"Wait what?" I shook my head quickly. What the hell did I just agree to?

"Duh Bells. Prom."

Shit. Kill. Me. Now. Lesson the first kids, actually pay attention when your friends are talking. Otherwise you will agree to things you _really_ don't want to do.

Apparently we were all going to go as a big group. (Angela, Ben, Bree, Demetri, Felix, James and myself.) Hallelujah for it being an odd number of people. That makes it harder to separate into pairs…aside from Ben and Angela.

Ah the golden couple. Everything was going great with Angela and Ben. It was sickening.

You know that one Vandals song? _Get __a __room, __we__'__ll __all __pitch __in, __if __you__'__ll __go __away__…__._ Yeah that was them. I didn't give Angela too hard a time. I know how long she has liked Ben, I couldn't really begrudge her happiness. But if I was being honest, it was getting pretty old. All of these _non-date_ double dates were for the birds.

Angela would call me, under the guise of _girl time_, and Ben would arbitrarily show up and bring James. More ridiculous that the set up itself, was the enormous amount of pressure I felt to get along with James. I was expected to like James because he was Ben's friend. The only thing that James really had going with him was the fact that Ben, a decent guy, was his friend and he was kind of funny. He also had ok taste in music and was a pretty talented musician. I guess it wasn't the end of the world having to hang out with him. Not that I would admit that to anyone.

Prom is here, _hooray_…can you sense my sarcasm? Angela had a busy day planned for us. Mani/pedi at 10:00am, hair appointment at 4:00pm, 6:15pm makeup at Sephora, and then back to her house to get dressed. It was ridiculous. But also kind of fun. It was nice spending time with Angela, just the two of us. We made our way downstairs just as the doorbell rang. Angela's father answered the door and in came Ben and James.

_Huh._ James didn't look half bad. He had really nice chestnut brown hair under his always-present baseball cap. Shoot me, but he actually looked a little like Cary Grant in his tux. I heard a throat clear and looked up to find an amused face looking back at me. I just rolled my eyes and headed towards the door.

It took about 15 minutes to take pictures. When we were finished we met up with everyone else at the Cheesecake Factory.

Dinner was _interesting_. Throughout the meal, I could feel eyes on me. Side glances from Angela and Ben. I think they were in shock that James and I were getting along. When we finally made it to the dance I was ready to just cut loose.

The theme for the prom was Wonderland. It was actually pretty darn cool. I grew up envying Alice and her adventures. So it was kind of cool to see the whole auditorium transformed into one of my favorite stories. After dancing for a good 20 minutes, I made my way to the table. James was standing there with a cup in the shape of a medicine bottle.

"Does that say drink me on it?" I asked glancing at his cup.

"Sure does. Pretty clever huh?" He replied looking right at me. I took a seat in an empty chair, and he took the one beside me.

James turned around to look at me. "So what do I have to do to get a dance with you?" I looked at him with mock distress and he just rolled his eyes.

"You know I'm really not _that __bad_ Isabella. I have a nice sense of humor, I'm attractive, and I'm smart. You are going to figure that out eventually you know…"

I just stared at him wide eyed. "I guess you could never be accused of modesty."

He laughed. "It's not like I am a narcissist or something. I know what I have to offer someone, and I want that someone to be you. Just thought I'd throw that out there, make sure you know your options." He smirked at me.

"I'm going to go get another drink and let you process that." James got up and left me with my thoughts.

These past couple of weeks hadn't been as bad as I would of first imagined. If someone had told me that I would even think of considering calling James a friend I would have thought they were crazy. Now, after getting to know him, he really wasn't that bad. It was nice to have someone around when Angela and Ben were being nauseating.

I closed my eyes and lowered my head to the table. I was having slight sensory overload. While staring at my shoes I got that all too familiar aching feeling.

If I played opossum would he go away? No, of course he wouldn't. Time to put on my big girl britches, as my grandma would say. Taking my sweet time, I raised my head to meet his gaze. And it almost killed me.

Edward looked like the perfect combination of James Dean and Buddy Holly. It wasn't fair. Dear God, why do you torture me so? Is this because I quit your church? What wicked thing did I do to deserve this kind of torment? He smiled at me and held out his hand. "Its senior prom Bella, will you give me this one dance? For old times sake?"

He didn't know what he was asking of me. This was not fair, I couldn't refuse him, even if I wanted to.

I took his hand and was led out to the dance floor. It was my own personal heaven and hell. He held me close as we swayed to the music. In that instant I could picture how it would have been. If he had only liked me, instead of Angela. If he would of loved me like I loved him.

"You look really great tonight B." He said brushing his chin against my hair as he spoke.

Ugh, he was trying to kill me.

Somehow I managed to squeak out thanks, burying my face into his suit jacket. I may or may not of smelled the jacket.

His arm gripped my waist a little tighter as we danced, "You know I never really understood what happened with us. We were great friends until junior year and then we kind of drifted apart. You were my best friend." He stopped dancing. "What the hell happened to us Isabella?" He pulled away to look directly in my eyes.

All I could do was blink back at him. My mind was going a million miles a minute and excruciatingly slow all at the same time. Just as I was about to answer I heard my saving grace.

"Isabella I've been looking everywhere for you. Angela and Ben want to head out." James said looking between Edward and I.

I never thought I would be happier to see James than I was at that moment. I mumbled a quick goodbye to Edward, and rushed towards the double doors with James.

"What was that about? It looked really tense. Did you guys date?" James asked in rapid succession as we made our way to the car.

I couldn't contain the somber laugh that escaped my lips. "Do you really want to know?" I asked shaking my head at the absurdity that was my life.

James just nodded and waited for me to continue.

Taking a deep breath I started, "I have known Edward forever. And been in love with him for as long as I can remember. Junior year I decided I was going to finally bite the bullet and tell him how I felt. Wrote a letter, pouring my heart out. I didn't get a chance to give it to him. He apparently had a similar idea, confessing a secret love that is. Except his wasn't for me, but for Angela."

James chuckled, "Wow. That's harsh."

"Harsh is an understatement. I was absolutely crushed. I couldn't be around him after that, and I just quit talking to him. Quit hanging out, just stopped all contact with him." I explained sitting in the back seat with James waiting for Angela and Ben.

I didn't remember getting into the car with James; I think I was too preoccupied retelling my story.

When James realized I was finished he looked at me, concern present on his face.

"Are you over him?" I shook my head no. I don't think I would ever be over Edward, no matter how hard I tried to forget about him. It wasn't going to happen.

James turned to me, "You know it's his loss right? If he couldn't see how great you are,…then _screw him_." I smiled at his loyalty; he really wasn't as bad as I had originally thought.

Before I could respond, James' lips were on mine. He pulled back just as quickly. I was stunned.

"I'm sorry Isabella. It's just, you're so wonderful, and beautiful, and…I,….I shouldn't of done that." He said in a rushed voice, looking out the window.

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><p><em><strong>AN: So what's the general consensus of James? Think he's a good guy or bad guy? Don't let his name fool you as to the kind of character he'll be... ;) **_

_****Thanks to everyone that has put the little fic that could on alert, everyone that's reading, even the ones that aren't leaving reviews *hint hint*. Sorry for ****the delay, I am beta-less and it takes me a bit to go through the story.****_


	7. Chapter 6

**_A/N: All recognizable Twilight characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The events in the story are my own._**

**_Please excuse (tolerate) any punctuation errors, I tried to breeze thru this to get it up._**

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><p><strong><em><em>**

**_Chapter 6_**

Two

The smallest prime number.

First magic number.

What comes after one.

The number of weeks since prom.

The number of days till graduation.

Edward's favorite number.

James and I hadn't spoken since prom. I don't know if he was embarrassed or just giving me some space. For whatever the reason, I was grateful. I really thought he would badger me about it, but he didn't. That didn't mean that he didn't talk to Ben and Angela though…

"What happened at prom Bella?" Angela asked, spearing a piece of lettuce.

_And there it is._

"What are you talking about Ang? You were with me the majority of the time. You didn't miss much."

Angela eyed me for a moment before shaking her head, "Ben said that James has been moping around ever since prom. What did you do, kick his puppy?"

"Why is it assumed that I am the cause of James' mood swings?" I ask trying to mask my annoyance. By the look on Angela's face I know I have failed

"Tsk tsk Bella Swan. Is that any way to talk to your favorite person?"

She was smirking at me and I kind of hated her for it.

"Seriously though you've been _a real peach_ and James has been all Sadface McGee since prom. Did you finally tell him there was no chance?"

I couldn't help but laugh at her summation, "Not exactly."

Angela folds her napkin, sets down her fork, and looks directly at me, "Bella stop being so cryptic and just tell me what happened."

"What do you want to know about first?" I ask crossing my arms across my chest, "Dancing with Edward or James kissing me?"

Angela looks back at me, eyes wide, "What? Edward…James…you…"

"Breathe Ang."

"Start from the beginning, leave nothing out."

So I took a deep breath and recapped the prom debacle.

"So you and Edward huh?"

"No. There is no Edward and I. It was one dance. Nothing less, and definitely nothing more." Unfortunately.

"So then you and James?"

"Again, that's a no. I haven't even talked to James since prom."

"Why not Bells. He is clearly into you." I shrugged.

"Ang. Right now it is all kinds of awkward."

"So you are avoiding the whole situation then."

I can't help it I laugh out loud,…and I may or may not of snorted. Once.

"You know me too well Ms. Weber." Angela just laughed and launched a piece of lettuce at my face.

The last couple of days leading up to graduation were goof off days that I welcomed with open arms. Shakespeare bingo, periodic table bingo,… there was a lot of bingo. The night of graduation Angela and I drove together. It was a surreal moment. I had known the majority of my graduating class since grade school, and it was surreal to think we would soon be going our separate ways.

Angela and I hadn't really discussed our college plans. When her welcome packet for Donlon came and mine for Solomon it was just an understanding; we weren't going to talk about it.

Since we met in elementary school, we knew we wanted to go to the same college. But the reality of the situation reared its head when I got my acceptance letter and she got hers. As far as distance goes, it really wasn't that far. Just a little over an hour there and back. It had more to do with the fact that she wouldn't be in my daily life. I had grown accustomed to Angela being there, shaking her head when I was acting absurd. I really was going to miss her.

As the principal started the ceremony I looked around one last time, bracing myself before looking down the row to my left. Edward was facing the front. Listening to Principal Edwards drone on about seizing the day and all the clichés that come in a high school graduation. After the valedictorian spoke it was time to walk the stage. I was scanning the crowd for my Dad when Edward's name was called. Only he could make a polyester gown and mortarboard look good. The smile that graced his face while taking his diploma didn't hurt either.

Sitting in an aisle seat was nice. Yeah for not having to climb over anyone! The downside to it was making his back to his seat. I looked away quickly; focusing my attention on the program. I saw is feet shuffle past me and breathed an audible sigh of relief. Too soon. Edward turned on his heal, ran back to my chair, bent down and hugged me, his face centimeters from my ear. "I love ya Bella. I'm gonna miss you." I think it was his goal in life to try to kill me. By way of exploding heart. I couldn't even get my arms to listen to my brain. They wouldn't move to wrap around him. I just shook my head, possibly sniffed his hair, and smiled at his words. After what seemed like an eternity he released me and made his way to his seat.

The rest was a blur. I made a fool of myself when Angela crossed the stage. I was too proud of my best friend. I even cheered when Ben and James crossed.

After the compulsory pictures with family, we got on the bus for the Senior Party. The senior party was the schools way of letting the seniors have a good time, but designed to be safe as well. No drugs, alcohol, or sexscapades. Safe times had by all. I thought that it was going to be really lame. No because I'm into drugs, alcohol or the sex, but just because it was a school chaperoned function. It actually wasn't that bad. The atmosphere was like nothing I had ever experienced. Everyone was getting along, not a clique to be seen. The mood was happy and relaxed.

How could it not be? High school was over; we were on the cusp of our adult lives. I was so glad Angela talked me into going. I was having a blast. The $50 in my pocket, thank you money machine, made the night that much more enjoyable.

"Bells, aren't you glad I am such a persuasive friend?" Angela asked while wiggling her eyebrows.

I shake my head and roll my eyes toward the ceiling, "Yes Angela, I'm glad you are so annoying, er…I mean persistent."

"Har har Bells." Angela says, glaring at me. I stick my tongue out at Angela and make a beeline for the concession counter.

I catch myself skipping. Yes, I Isabella Swan, am skipping. I absolutely cannot help myself. I am actually enjoying myself. I didn't realize how stifling being the ideal student, friend, sister, and daughter could be. I had unknowingly been carrying so much on my shoulders. To be unburdened by expectations was liberating. Apparently I'm introspective post grad.

After getting my raspberry slush I rejoined Angela at the makeshift movie theater. The movie theater consisted of one of those blow-up projection screens set up in the corner of the auditorium. It was actually pretty ingenious. The movie choices weren't that bad either. John Hughes was fully represented this evening. Angela and I settled into beanbag chairs and basked in the wonder that was the 80s.

"I call dibs on Matthew." Angela says, grinning at me. I shake my head and throw a piece of popcorn at her hair. "You cannot call dibs on Matthew when you already called Judd. For such an egregious offence I bequeath to you Duckie,"

"I actually like Duckie, so you did me a favor."

HA! I think to myself. "Nobody _likes_ Duckie. You just feel sorry for him. Robert Downey Jr circa Weird Science…. oh and Anthony Michael Hall are mine." I say bouncing in my chair. (Yes the awkwardness that is AMH is near and dear to my heart.) I chuckle to myself reveling in my small victory.

"Oh shut up Bells." Angela says smiling, tossing a jelly belly deftly in the air and catches it in her mouth.

Tonight has been a good night. I yawn while turning over in my chair. The lack of sleep is catching up to me. I nestle further into the beanbag and can't stop my eyes from closing.

I am startled awake by a kick to the foot. What the fudge? I rub my sleepy eyes and am greeted (I use that word very loosely) by a smiling James.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty." James comments while offering his hand. I blink a couple of times, adjusting to the light filtering into the room. I look up at James' hand and grasp it while getting on my feet. I mutter a "thanks" as I stretch out my slightly crippled body and look around the half deserted room.

"Where is everyone?"

James looks at me intently and rubs the back of his neck. "Well, at 7:30 Ben drove Angela home." What? I thought to myself. Angela has already left. It was as if James was a telepath.

"She didn't want to wake you; she said you haven't been sleeping well. I told her I would hang out and wait for you to wake up. Incidentally, they are trying to clean up and have officially started kicking people out. Us included."

I imagine my face gave way the mild panic attack that was brewing inside.

"I can take you home Isabella." James offers, rocking back on the heels of his Chucks. "It's not a problem at all."

I really had no other choice. I didn't want to bother Em this early or my parents. "That would be great James. Let me just get my things and we can leave."

I gather my shoes and bag and walk back over to a beaming James. I tilt my head and look at him. I mean actually look at James. He's cute I guess…in a not so obvious kind of way. The light hits my eyes as we exit the building and I reach for my Ray bans. There are only a couple cars left in the parking lot. A beat up Beatle, a couple of sedans, and a huge monster of an SUV. He stops a few feet from the black Hummer. Are you flipping kidding me?

"This is your parents' car right?" I ask gaping at the monstrous gas-guzzler. James quirks his head to the side and chuckles, "No this is mine. Hop in Miss Swan." I struggle a bit trying to climb aboard the black behemoth. We buckle our seatbelts and James stretches his arms out in front of himself before grabbing the steering wheel with his left hand. I can feel the beast rumble to life, and we pull out of the school parking lot.

I try to stifle a yawn. Ugh, morning breath. I reach in my bag and retrieve a packet of gum. "Do you want a piece?" I ask tilting the packet towards James. "Sure, thanks." He says winking at me. I lob the piece of gum at him.

"Hey watch it lady," James scolds picking the gum up from his lap. I laugh and reach for the stereo system. Pounding bass blares thru the speakers. I am not a fan.

"Yuck! I don't think you could have worse taste in music if you tried. What is this crap?"

James glances at me quickly in …disbelief if I had to guess.

"Are you serious? Fugazi is classic. Swan you are insane."

"Oh, ok _James_," I say not trying to mask my irritation. I hate it when guys call you by your last name. Not cute James. I turn the music off and become very interested in the world passing by outside.

"Hey." James nudges me in the shoulder. "Even though you are adorable when you are mad, it wasn't my intention to piss you off."

I shake my head, "Is that your idea of an apology? Because it kind of sucks." I hear a soft chuckling to my left. "Isabella, it was not my intention to disrespect or insult you. Please accept my sincerest apologies."

"Fine" I grumble pulling my knees into my chest and huffing loudly. I look out the windshield and notice the neighborhood.

"How do you know where I live?" James squirms a little in his seat and clears his throat. "Um, I may have gotten your address from Ben a couple weeks ago."

Yikes, stalker much.

"Well this is kind of awkward. I'm not a stalker if that's what you are thinking Isabella." James stutters, pulling into my driveway.

I feel a sudden tug on my shoulder as I reach for the door. When I turn to the side I am met with wide blue eyes. "So I was thinking."

I laugh, "That doesn't sound good."

"Touché, Isabella….anyways, I was thinking," He hesitates waiting for me to interrupt him again. I don't. "Would you like to hang out tonight?" Before I can answer he jumps out of the beast and opens the passenger door. "You don't have to answer me now, just think about it and let me know." I eye him wearily and exit the Hummer.

"Thanks for the ride James," I say ringing my hands together, "I'll consider your… offer." James pulls me into an abrupt hug, kisses my cheek, and makes a mad dash for his car. I call out chicken as he drives away.

"Hi baby girl," Renee says, pulling me into a warm hug. "Did you have a fun night?"

I drop my bags in the entryway and wrap my arms around her waist. "Yeah Mom, it was pretty cool. I'm glad I went, so that's something I suppose. I am pretty tired though"

"I'm glad that you enjoyed yourself dear. Dad and I were going to go to the movies in about an hour and Em is with Rose so you will have the whole house to yourself."

I smile up at my Mom, "Thanks. I think I am going to go take a bath, you and Dad have a good time."

My Mom gives me another quick hug and heads into the kitchen. What is it with people and affection today?

I wake up with a start cold and wet. Shit. Falling asleep in the bathtub is not one of my best moments. I can feel my neck tensing up already. After I ease myself out of the tub and quickly cover with a towel. It's frickin freezing Mr. Biggelsworth.

I walk to my dresser and quickly change.

Yoga pants and a white t-shirt, the perfect lounge attire.

Just as I pull myself into bed to finish my nap, my cell phone rings. I lay in bed for a minute debating whether or not to check it. If it rings again I will answer I decide. It does not and I allow my bed to lull me to sleep.

I stretch and look at my bedside clock, 8:30pm. I hadn't realized how worn out I was. The unfortunate aspect of falling asleep this afternoon is that it is now almost 9pm and I am just a tad wired.

My rumbling stomach reminds that I have missed lunch and dinner. The kitchen is my favorite place in the house. For as long as I can remember my Mom always had us cooking with her. Teaching and allowing us to experiment too. I can remember one year for my Dad's birthday Em and I made a birthday breakfast. Our Dad was such a good sport, didn't even gag while choking down micro waved applejacks with chocolate syrup on white bread. I would like to think I have gotten a little better since then. Right now I am on a cookie kick. My latest recipe hot cocoa cookies with marshmallow fluff icing are pretty darn good. They are Em's favorite.

I notice the light on as I make my way to the kitchen. Peculiar, I thought everyone was still out. I turn the corner and sitting at the island is Em, Rosalie, and Edward. Oh F.

They stop laughing as soon as they spot me in the doorframe. I must have a very puzzled and slightly pissed look on my face, because Em jumps up from his seat.

"Bells, you're up. Rosalie and I ran into Edward as we were leaving the movies." Emmett explains walking towards me. He looks back at Edward and Rosalie and I follow his gaze. Rosalie gives me a small wave, Edward just looks at me. I blink a couple of times, trying to work out how running into someone equates bringing them home.

"I twisted your brother's arm to let me come over," Edward states with his signature crooked smile, "I really need to talk to you Bella."

I can't get the shocked look off my face. I look at Em, who offers a shrug. Wow, what a brother. I turn back to Edward and motion for the stairs. Once we make it to my bedroom, my anxiety is at a maximum. I take a seat on the bed, certain that he will not join me. He does. I can smell his cologne/laundry detergent/whatever at his close proximity. It is distinctly Edward and I want to cry at how good he smells. An awkward fog settles around us and Edward clears his throat.

"B, you've been avoiding me. We need to talk."

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><p><strong><em>AN: So iFail at life/updating. I know. I have about 10,000 excuses in my back pocket. But honestly none of them seem good enough. I will try to be better about it. For those select few that are reading. (That came off as a little self pitying...gag.) Anywoozle R&R and maybe we will find out what Edward wants to talk to Bella about sooner rather than later. Yes that is a bribe. _**


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: All recognizable Twilight characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The events in the story are my own.**

**This chapter is dedicated to my wonderful father, today is his birthday. He would of been 61. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

I am stunned by his directness and start tracing imaginary stars on my comforter. I have avoided this conversation for a long time. Happily avoided.

I can feel the mattress shift as Edward gets to his feet.

"You know it feels like forever since I was here." Edward remarks; saying aloud what I was thinking.

I mumble yes, without looking up from my bed, and start fidgeting again. I am edgy, pissed off, and exceedingly happy all at the same time. I am 10 shades of f'd up. Sybil doesn't have anything on me.

I have a moment of courage and look up to find Edward standing in front of my dresser. I have the perfect vantage point. I can see his reflection in my dresser mirror, but he can't see my prying eyes.

"Oh Wow," Edward says, face lighting up, crooked grin in place. "I cannot believe you still have this."

He turns around, smile still in place, "Do you remember when we got this?"

"Um,…no sorry." But of course I remembered. It was a guarantee, anything involving Edward I would remember with perfect clarity.

I lie, another character flaw to add to the ever growing pile.

"I won this freshman year. We met up at the fair with Angela. You couldn't hit a basket to save your life." Edward explains while holding my panda bear.

I narrow my eyes, "You did not do me any favors. The way I remember it, you couldn't stand waiting in line to play, so you cut to where I was." I grab for the bear but Edward sidesteps.

"Hmm," Edward says thinking for a moment, "But when I cut, you were on your last ball, I paid the extra dollar for another chance, and then won him."

"Fine. You paid for him, but you still gave Stanley to me. No take backs." I say sounding a lot like an unruly 5yr old. I may of even stomped my foot.

Edward gives me a wounded look, "Stanley?" "Seriously Bella, he is not an accountant panda. What an awful name."

I roll my eyes and take Stanley back, placing him in his rightful spot. When I turn back around Edward has moved to my window. The mood has been lifted and it doesn't feel so suffocating anymore.

"Remember when I would sneak through this window at night?" He asks, his back turned to me, hand ghosting over the glass.

"You make it sound so indecent." I move to stand next to him. "We were 10 and my Dad put the rope ladder up himself."

"I remember that." Edward said laughing. "He told me, _Edward I am tired of being woken up so early on the weekends banging on my door_."

"Yeah, it was really awkward when you would come in before I woke up."

"You could have locked your window." Edward says nudging me with his shoulder.

"_You_ could have knocked on the window to wake me up." I said nudging back. "Instead of watching me sleep…creeper."

"What? I was not a creeper. You were entertaining. You talk in your sleep…you know. Edward chuckled, stating perceived fact.

Wait, what?

"I talked in my sleep? What did I say?" I squeak, afraid of his response.

"B, you talked in your sleep _all the time_. And as far as what you talked about… don't worry about it." He said ruffling my hair, crooked smile in place.

"Don't worry about it, _right_. That's easy for you to say. I could have said all kinds of embarrassing stuff."

"Well…, "He says drawing it out a little, "it wasn't too bad, I kept coming back didn't I?"

Edward walked to my bed and sat down. I took a seat next to him and pulled my legs towards my chest.

"I guess that's true." I mutter through my knees.

"Do you remember when the ladder went missing?"

"Yeah, summer of '01. My Dad had a fit when he found you asleep on my couch. I tried to tell him that he had nothing to worry about, but he didn't want to hear it. Apparently to my Dad guys and girls can't be friends without hormones getting in the way. Silly huh?"

"Yeah…silly."

A couple of minutes passed wordlessly. I was starting to get a bit uneasy and decided to break the silence.

"Why did you come here tonight?" I ask, head still resting on my knees.

I can feel the bed shift as Edward gets up. He walks back to the window, but doesn't say anything.

"Seriously….what's up Edward?" I ask again, unfolding my legs, ready for his weird silence to be over.

"I…. shit this is going to be harder than I thought." Edward rubs his hand on the back of his head. A nervous habit he picked up years ago. He turns to face me and I can see the unease present on his face.

"Edward, just spit it out, think of it like a band aid." I say, trying to sound encouraging, even though I'm not sure I even want to know what he is about to say.

Edward breathes deeply and then sighs. "I got an acceptance letter a couple of months back…_from Donlon_."

Oh…the pact.

Seven years ago Edward and I made a pact to go to college together. It was a given at 10 years old, but seven years later, it became a lofty promise. Circumstances change. I didn't really expect Edward to hold up his side of the bargain, but it still hurt knowing that we wouldn't be on the same campus. Time to put on the brave face.

"Well that's great Edward." I say, trying to plaster a genuine smile on my face.

Edward quirked his mouth into his crooked grin, "_Really_? Because I know we promised each other we would go to Solomon. But for the last year or so, things have been…_strained_…between us."

"I know Edward. I get it. Things aren't like they used to be. Things change." I can't do anything but agree with him.

Edward shakes his head and starts walking towards me. "The thing is Bella; I don't know what happened with us. You were my best friend for years, and then you weren't. What happened? I just don't get what I did to push you away. For the longest time I was so confused. You just weren't there anymore, and when I would try to seek you out, you were closed off."

He is in front of me now. I can see the confusion on his face. He really doesn't know what caused our rift.

So for the second time in one night I lie. Self-preservation will make you do things that were once completely out of character.

"We had nothing in common anymore Edward, we grew apart. Leave it be."

"You gave up on me Bella. You were my best friend. No explanation, you were just gone. Do you have any idea how that felt? To care about somebody, to talk to them _every_ _day_, and then they just aren't there. It was like you died Bella. In a way it would have been easier if you had."

Edward's voice is almost a whisper at the end, and I gasp at his words.

"I know that is harsh and _horrible_to say, but I still saw you all the time. I saw you and I couldn't do anything about it. You didn't want anything to do with me."

"Edward, honestly, people drift apart all the time. It happens."

"Don't feed me that bs Isabella. We were fine. We were more than fine." Edward says pulling on my elbow.

I wrench my elbow from his grasp and glare at him. "I'm not the same person I was when we were friends Edward. I've changed."

Why is he pushing this? Why can't he just let it go? I need this conversation to be over. I cannot handle this right now. Edward is now across the room by the door. The final blow and he will leave. And I can go cry in a corner. Possibly literally.

"Edward, for the last time, we were growing apart, and honestly I think I am doing a lot better without you."

I can feel him glaring at me. "Well I think that sucks Bella. And yes you have changed, because the girl I knew could never be so horrible. I just wanted to tell you about Donlon, that's why I came. I'm sorry I did. Have a nice life." And with that Edward slammed the door and walked out of my life.

I crawled into my bed and just cried my heart out. I was mean and hurtful and he really didn't understand why. He was _such_ a good guy. Even after the cold shoulder, still trying to make things right. And I ruined it, like I always do. I hear my door opening in between my sobs.

"Bells what was that all about? Edward stormed out, you're crying. What's going on?" Emmett asks, rubbing soothing circles in my back.

"I…on't wan...to alk…I ju…st want o be by myself." I say, not even understanding myself between sobs.

"Ok, I'll leave you alone, for now. But I do want answers. Soon. Got it kid?"

...0.0

The morning brings a fresh wave of guilt. I get out of bed and look back at my pillow; it is drenched. In the bathroom I study the face in the mirror. She does not look like me. Her hair is chaotic; her eyes are bloody shot and puffy. And her nose is bright red. This is not me, not who I want to be.

Pick a cliché, and it will apply-Straw that broke the camel's back, last nail in the coffin-Last night was it, I will not do this again. After giving myself a good 10 minutes more of self-loathing, I decide I will do this no more. If I don't even have the balls guts to tell Edward how I feel, how on earth can I cry over him? I am so tired of being so ridiculous. I _have_ to move on, once and for all.

I can hear Emmett and Mom talking when I reach the kitchen. They are talking about me.

I can feel them both eyeing me as I open the fridge for the soy milk. I have taken one spoonful of Chex before Emmett clears his throat.

"So…how are you this morning Sis?"

I swallow my bite and answer, "I'm fine Emmett."

"Honey, you didn't seem fine last night, from what your brother said." Mom interjects, trying to call my bluff.

"Last night was _difficult_ Mom. Edward and I had a disagreement, and we left on bad terms. I do not want to talk about it." I say pointing my spoon at each of them.

Mom backs away from the island taking my hint. "Alright, but if you need me, I'm here."

"Thanks Mom, I appreciate that, but I'm good. Honestly."

Emmett looks at me suspiciously, like he doesn't believe what I am saying, but he drops it as well, moving into the living room.

I eat the rest of my breakfast in peace and after washing my dishes, head back upstairs. When I make it to my room I start pulling down all things Edward that I didn't want to part with before. I won't throw them away, just, out of sight out of mind.

Once I am finished with that I go back to the bathroom and brush my teeth. After dressing I head back for the living room.

"Mom, Dad, I am going out for a while, going to hang out with Angela. Do some pre college shopping and probably grab dinner in town. I won't be home till the evening. If that is ok."

Mom gives me a once over, probably deciding if I am mentally fit to drive. Thanks for the vote of confidence Mom.

"Sure honey, that's fine. Just keep your cell phone on."

I settle into my car and call Angela. It is 11:30 am on a Sunday, she should be around. Her phone rings four times before she picks up.

"Hey Bells!" Angela says, sounding a little out of breath.

"Hey Ang…what are you up to? I was thinking shop, eat, repeat…"

"Bells as great as that sounds, I am stuck at home babysitting Wes."

"Oh, well do you want company? I can come over and hang. And when your parents get back we can go out."

"Thanks for the offer, but…."

"But what?"

"Ben is going to come over and help." Angela says in a very excited voice.

"Ah, I see. Well have fun. Well not too much fun." I say laughing to myself.

"Ew, Bells, my baby brother is here."

"Easy Angela, I was suggesting very PG fun,…where is your mind sister?" I say joking with her.

"Har, har. Have a good time. Sorry I couldn't come. You should call James."

"Um, I don't know how well he would enjoy shopping, but…_thanks_ for the suggestion. I'll talk to you later Angela."

"Bye Bells."

I put my phone back in my bag and turn into the mall parking lot. The mall is pretty dead. I guess Sunday isn't a big shopping day. Score one for me.

Ever since I was a little girl, I can remember loving the thrill of shopping. My Mom would say I'm crazy and question my wording. "Thrill Isabella? If almost having a panic attack in-between a crowd of 30 strangers is thrilling to you, I believe we should have your head examined."

My Mom has always hated shopping. As soon as Emmett got is drivers license he became her personal shopper. Not that he would protest. Emmett loved the freedom. Well, he did until the day he had to buy _those things_.

I remember his bright red face when he came home. He stormed into the kitchen with 4 bags, "MOM! How could you do that to me? Rose was there, she saw me with these." Emmett shrieked, waving the offending box in her face. Mom just quirked her head, "Don't blame me Emmett, those are for Isabella." I probably looked like a deer in headlights. Thanks for ratting me out Mom. I scramble off the couch and run for the stairs. Emmett is close on my heels. I make it to my door right before Emmett. I click the lock just as he starts to rattle the knob. "I'm sorry Emmett!" I yell, frantic, "I didn't know Mom was going to have you go."

He bangs on the door, "Do you know how embarrassing that was for me Isabella? Rose was there!"

"I'm sorry, honest. How do you think I feel, my big brother picking up THAT for me? I'm embarrassed too you know." It's quiet in the hall for a minute, and then I hear a click. Crap he unlocked it. I feel the door on my back pushing me forward. I am to slow to my feet to push back. I run to my bed and pull up the cover, childish I know, but what else can I do.

The cover is ripped out of my hands and off my bed. I wrench my eyes shut; not wanting to see what comes next. Emmett digs his fingers into my hips and starts tickling me. I am quickly gasping for breath and begging for mercy.

After what seems like an eternity, he stops, "Ok, I accept your apology." Emmett smirks at me, and leaves my room, easily evading the pillow I lob at his head.

I chuckle to myself, getting out of the car, remembering my poor hair after Emmett's assault. It took me half an hour to calm the birds nest atop my head.

After an hour of shopping, I have made a very small dent in my list; I wish the same could be said for my wallet. Who would think that organizing junk would cost a small fortune? No wonder Martha Stewart is in that line of work…smart lady…well aside from the jail time.

Somewhat disgruntled and with very tired feet, I made my way to the food court. After getting a pretzel and strawberry lemonade I settled amongst my purchases for a well-deserved break.

At the exact moment I take a huge, unattractive (who cares) bite of pretzel, my phone rang. Of course. I look at the caller id James. After a small internal debate, I decide to let it go to voicemail. I can call him back later,…maybe. Plus I have pretzel mouth. Yes I am now rationalizing with myself. Wow.

"I see how it is."

Oh crap.

"So you pick up your phone, see it's me, and then send it to voicemail? That's cold Isabella."

I swallow quickly, "I'm sorry, I had part of a pretzel in my mouth. Wait a second, are you stalking me?"

"Stalking is a very strong word. Makes me think of judges and court orders." James responds, smiling down at me.

"Wow James, that's kind of scary. Sounds like you know a little too much about that."

"Har har Isabella," James says while pulling out a chair, "So what's up? What are you doing at the mall on a Sunday?"

"I'm doing some pre college shopping."

"Do you want some company?" He asks looking shy, drumming his fingers on his knee.

I am shocked at myself for thinking that he actually looks kind of cute. I shake my head trying to get rid of that thought.

"I don't know James, are you up for it?"

"Please Isabella, I have 3 sisters, You happen to be in the company of the best shopping jockey in the tri-state area. I think I can handle it." He says while picking up my bags and giving me a wink.

I pop the last bit of pretzel in my mouth and wash it down with some more lemonade. I can't help but feel a little set up by Angela, but my wrist is killing me from the weight of my bags so…"Whatever you say James, just let the record state that you've been forewarned."

The afternoon is full of shopping bags and easy banter. James is actually a pretty cool guy, and when he tries to slip his arm over my shoulder, I let him. I think it means something different for him than it does for me, but I am having such a good, drama free day that I don't dwell on it too much.

As we leave the mall and head to my car, I notice his arm grip my shoulder just a little bit more. I look up at him and note his smirking smile.

"What's with that face?" I ask shaking my head.

"Nothing at all. Just having a good day."

James leans on my trunk after putting my bags in. "So, have you had your fill of me today? Or could I bribe you into having dinner with me?"

"Sure, I'll go. No bribe necessary." I say ruffling his hair before getting into my car.

I look up at him from the drivers seat, "Do you want to come with me or follow?"

"I'll follow…If that's cool?"

"Sure, that's fine. How does the Cheesecake Factory sound?"

He taps the roof of my car one and says, "Works for me, see you there."

As I drive away I can't believe that I have a smile on my face. This guy, I couldn't stand for months, has wormed his way into my life. He is a good friend and I am ok with the way things are going.

The image of Edward storming out of my room flashes thru my mind. Stupid traitorous mind, I can be happy without him, I say to myself. I pull into the restaurant parking, and make it to the front door just as James pulls up.

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><p>Big thanks to everyone that has stuck with me. Believe it or not I do have a large majority of this story written, but I am very particular about it and end up doing 4 or 5 more read-throughschanges before it's published. Did you guys see that our very own Icequeen Snowdragon (Master of The Universe) is #1 on the NY Times Best Sellers for Fifty Shades of Grey? So exciting and gives all of us hope...


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: All recognizable Twilight characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The events in the story are my own.**

**Epic updating fail I know.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

Our conversation flows effortlessly.

James and I have a similar sense of humor. I won't deny that that is a tad frightening. I was always told that the world could only handle one smart ass at a time.

"What's so funny?" James asks, looking at me suspiciously.

I clear my throat and possibly flush crimson, not realizing I laughed out loud.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking about something my Dad said. Honestly it's nothing though. How's your club sandwich?"

James looks at me again and shakes his head,

"It's good. How's the _grilled cheese_?"

I reach for a French fry prepared to throw it at his smirking face.

"Are you mocking my meal choice?"

He laughs then. I think, at me. I lob the fry before he can duck.

"Hey now….I just find it amusing that there is this huge menu in front of you, and you pick a grilled cheese of all things."

I shrug, "What can I say, I love the classics."

"Believe me Isabella, I'm not complaining." James sits his hand on the table, palm up, close to mine.

Right. "I'm ready when you are." I say pushing my plate away from me.

The waitress comes shortly after and James settles the bill, refusing to let me pay my portion. Claiming that his Mom and sisters would disown him if he _went Dutch_. I tell him that I will leave the tip. I rationalize in my head that if I pay for some part of this dinner, then it is not a date. Even though it feels a lot like one.

The night has brought with it the cold. I shiver a little as we make it outside towards our cars. I notice when I get to my car that James has parked beside me. Our driver's side doors are next to each other. I tell him thanks for the company and start to get in my car. As soon as I shut the door there is a tap at my window.

"Hey do you want to come over tomorrow? My parents are having this bbq thing and I am going to be the only non adult there, aside from my sisters." James asks in a rush.

I consider this for a second and then decide to just go with it, "Sure."

James is grinning from ear to ear, "Great. I'll pick you up around 11. See you tomorrow Isabella."

When I get home my parents are snuggled together on the couch watching a rerun of Law and Order. My heart swells when I look at them. I know that their love isn't perfect. But honestly whose is? Before I can stop myself I go and sit between them. Just happy to be surrounded by their warmth.

"What on earth? Renée am I hallucinating or did our daughter just sit down voluntarily with us?" My Dad, what a comedian.

"No Charlie you are not." She answers smiling at me. "Isabella dear, how was your shopping trip?"

I scoot a little further into Charlie's side. "It was good Mom. I ran into James, he helped carry my bags, and we went to dinner after."

Renée's eyebrows raise up, "Really? How is James doing?"

"James is fine." I answer, almost regretting my couch detour.

Charlie nudges me with his shoulder, "Who is James?"

Before I can answer Renée does for me.

"James is a new _friend _of Isabella's. He brought her home the day after the school lock in."

My Dad has a puzzled look on his face, still not remembering. "What happened to Edward?"

Ouch. Thanks Dad. "Dad Edward and I don't hang out anymore. Please just let it go. Ok?" I snuggle a little more into the couch pulling the blanket across me.

I think my parents exchange knowing glances, but I can't be sure because my eyes are glued to the TV screen. Twenty minutes later Emmett comes in, looks at the three of us and shakes his head.

"Ah come on Emmett," Dad says motioning him over, "it won't kill you to spend some time with your family. Emmett walks over to the couch, but sits down on the chaise part of the sectional, a good foot away from Dad.

He reaches for the popcorn, and pops a piece in his mouth, "You guys are so weird."

When I wake up I feel rested. After lounging around for a bit, I decide to check my email. There is message from Angela. Asking how shopping went. I give her a brief answer and promise to call when I get home from the bbq.

James picks me up at 11 exactly. He's all smiles as he opens the passenger door. For a second I catch myself wondering how different I would be if it were Edward fawning all over me. I mentally chastise myself. I will no longer think of Edward like that, I am going to enjoy this summer before school starts.

"Wow." I cannot believe my eyes, when James eases into the driveway. I punch him in the shoulder, "You're rich."

"No, my parents are rich. I am a bum. There's a difference."

I roll my eyes. I guess the Hummer should have tipped me off.

"You aren't weirded out by all this?" He asks getting out of the Hummer, motioning to the house, the pool, and the horse stable…yeah horse stable.

"Um, it's just not exactly what I expected." I answer honestly.

"Huh, interesting. Follow me please Isabella. My family wants to meet you before everyone else arrives."

As I am led towards the kitchen I cannot help but feel like this is one of those "meet my parents" situations. I try to be gracious and not show my apprehension when James introduces me to his parents. Mrs. Roberts seems nice. She is bustling around the kitchen, and I feel as if I am in her way. I offer my assistance but am brushed off. Mr. Roberts took long enough to look up from his paper to greet me. Nice.

James then takes me on a tour of the house. We pass by a library, the living room, a formal dining room, Mr. Roberts's office, and his parents' bedroom. When we reach the top of the stairs I note a large flat screen TV and an overstuffed sectional. He points down the left hall and says something about his sisters' bedrooms. The right hallway is obviously the way to his room.

The disorder of his room shocks me. There are clothes everywhere.

"I'm glad you didn't try to pick up for me." I say reaching the root beer bottle that is beside his desk.

"Yeah, I'm…not too big on housework. Cynthia usually takes care of it."

"Cynthia, your sister?"

James shuffles his feet, "Um, no. Cynthia is our housekeeper."

I don't really know what to think. "You have a maid?" I ask unable to mask my derision.

"Well _I_ don't." He answers winking at me. "My _parents_ have a _housekeeper_."

"Ok smartass. What's the difference between a _housekeeper_ and a _maid_?"

"Well, a maid comes and cleans once or twice a week and then leaves. Cynthia does the daily household stuff. Cleaning, grocery shopping, all that jazz, and…she lives here."

Twilight Zone, population: me. To look at James, you wouldn't expect any of this. He is very unassuming,…aside from the Hummer.

"Hey don't get weird on me." He says sitting down beside me on the bay window. When did I sit down?

"This stuff isn't me. My parent's money doesn't define who I am. When I said I was a bum, I meant it."

"This is just…"

"A lot to take in, yeah I get that." But this is my parents' house. Cynthia is _their_ housekeeper. None of it will come with me when I go to college."

"Yeah that would be weird if Cynthia came with you." I say trying to lighten the atmosphere of the room.

James nudges my shoulder with his, "Exactly."

The rest of the afternoon goes by quickly. The bbq is more of a who's who of the town. I think I even saw the mayor. James and I head back upstairs after mingling a while and grabbing our food.

I take a seat on the sectional and wait for James to join me.

"What kind of movie are you in the mood for?" He asks, opening the doors to the entertainment center.

"Do you have any John Hughes?"

"Seriously? What is up with you and John Hughes flicks?"

"Shut up James, John Hughes is amazing, and you put me on the spot. Just pick something. I really don't care what we watch." You know the saying _famous last words_? Yeah those were mine. Two hours and like 500 bad movie quotes later we are almost finished with Bad Boys.

"So what school did you decide on?" James asks in between the explosions and car chases.

"I will be attending Harvard this fall." I say without looking up from the television. I am pretty used to the response to my college choice. There are lots of ohs and ahs and questions about me being a whiz kid. Truth is I just took school really seriously and was just as shocked to receive the acceptance packet, as everyone else is to hear the news. James throws a pillow at my shoulder, "Hey are you listening to me?"

"Huh, no I'm sorry. What did you say?" I ask, turning to give him my full attention.

"I said, I guess I'll see you there. That's where I am going too." He smiles.

"Are you serious?" I ask not sure if he is or not.

James cocks his head to the side and gazes down at me, "What are you trying to say Isabella? Am I too dumb for Harvard?"

I can't tell if the tone in his voice is playful or annoyed.

"You think I'm an idiot. Don't you?"

Annoyed.

I try to backtrack; positive I have hurt his feelings. "No James that's not what I thought. Think. I just, you don't really seem that into school, and I am a little shocked. I didn't think I would know anyone on campus."

He glares at me for a minute, and then ruffles my hair. "Just because my nose isn't in a book at all times, doesn't mean I take education lightly. I have certain, _obligations, _which must be met."

"Obligations? What does that mean?" I ask, puzzled.

"Well, my parents would not allow me to have only a high school diploma, and my trust fund doesn't kick in till I have a 4 year degree." He says the last part quickly, almost like he doesn't want me to hear, but I do.

"So this is all about the money then?" I ask, unable to hide my mild disgust.

"No, it's not all about the money. That is a large part of it, but not all. I don't want the money to define me. To be another generation of old money, having everyone around you question if you were deserving of all you have." He says seeming somewhat dejected.

I shrug, "I understand that James. I'm sure it's really hard to try to live up to family expectations, and be content in your own life as well."

"This is why we work so well together," James says wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "You get me, even when I don't always get myself."

* * *

><p><strong><em>**Looks up from behind computer monitor**<em> Hey there...yeah I'm still here. I've been in a bit of a bother lately...sorry for the slow updates. But...thanks so much for sticking with me for the ride. I will finish this story. It just won't be weekly updates (no sarcastic-no duhs), but I will try _very hard_ for every other week. I'll make calendar notes and everything. **

**I'd like to take a moment and regard some questions I've received about the story. **

**Why don't you post more frequently? _I try...I'm a hypocrite, I dislike reading unfinished stories, but I can't maintain a simple updating schedule. iFail. _**

**Ugh I hate James! Why is he in this story? _As I stated from the beginning, this story is based on events in my life. When adapting this to fanfic, I needed to have the right character. Even though I am not a Jacob shipper, I have a hard time reading him as an Ahole. It just seems too ooc (if that's possible). James I think just elicits that vomit in your mouth kind of reaction. _**

**Where is Alice, Jasper, Jacob or the rest of the wolf pack or Cullens? _Short answer, I haven't decided where they will fit yet._**

**Where the insert expletive is Edward? _He's out of the picture for now, but will be around. This is my New Moon period._**


End file.
